Weeds

I've been in my house for almost two years. I can identify most of the things in my yard. There are still a few green things that may be weeds or may be the rarest species of plant on Earth. It's hard to tell sometimes. They look green. They sort of look good. Stop by and help me out. One thing that I can identify for certain is buck thorn. We have plenty of it in our yard and I am on a mission pick every last sprig out.

If any of you are suffering from any form og addiction please stop by and I will help you identify weeds. Once you start pick you won't be able to stop. I 0nce read that part of ending an addiction is replacing it with something new. Why not replace it with weeding? I guess that I really didn't have any addictions to replace weeding with. Perhaps weeding can be my first true addiction.

Technology and Mothering

One Deep

We are deep in the ones at Fleckhaus. That is Willa is one and half with a vengeance. The Ones challenge me more than any other age.

Willa started walking at 8 months and climbing ladders at 15 months. She can spring to the top of the dining room table in the time it takes me to empty the dustpan in the trash. She can get her baby doll stroller stuck on the stairs in a compromised position in the time it takes me to chop an onion. I place the toothpaste higher on a shelf and she finds it anyway. The time comes to leave the house and her shoes are no where to be found. Shoes, after toothpaste (pa paste) are her favorite object. We spend most of the day putting them on and taking them off.

Willa is also a hider. What's that quiet sound in the house? Oh, it's Willa hiding with an object she shouldn't have, say Lip Gloss she smuggled from Sylvia's room. What's she doing with it? Oh, eating it. When I do find her in the closet, behind the sink or stuck behind the bed she gives me a devilish grin.

"Stuck" by the way is one of her top five most frequently used words. Hopefully these moments aren't portending a life of hiding from the law and getting "Stuck" in jail.

Why does this age challenge me so? I have a naturally short attention span and I like a fair amount of peace and quiet. I simply do not have the paranoid, vigilient nature needed to follow a one year old around all day. If my children survive being one with me they can survive anything. Likewise, if I can finish the year with all my marbles it will be a very good game even if poorly played. If I can accomplish a little bit in the next year, imagine what I can accomplish once Willa passes into the twos.

Also, after a day of intermittent crying my ears start to tune it out. My ears can only absorb so much crying. Again the crying results from Willa getting "stuck" with some object and she can't find her way out or through with it. Willa can wail. She has the mighty Fleck voice, one that can pierce through a raucous gathering of near deaf relations, such is the case with my family.

A friend of mine with a three month old baby just posted on facebook, "When will I get my momentum back." I replied, "I'm hoping in three years when Willa starts kindergarten."

The dishes are still undone, the floor needs to be vacuumed, this is my first blog post in months, and my career is on cruise control. On the other hand, she says "hello and Bye bye with the sweetest voice. She loves to put things away and help with the chores. Willa can grin the drooliest, goofiest, babyest grin that was ever grinned. Everynight after I lay her down in her crib, I say how thankful I am to share my life with this vibrant little soul. Thanks dear friends for joining me in some Mom angst.

Keys

I have a long history of misplacing keys. I think its a genetic trait I inherited from my father. It could also be due to the fact that I didn't grow up with keys. We lived in a small town where no one locked their doors. In fact, we didn't even own a key to our front door. If we went away on a long vacation we locked the door and kept a butter knife hidden above the molding of the door to jimmy open the lock.

I've told my kids there a few occasions when swearing is allowed. Searching for your keys is one of them. Fifteen minutes of peering under cushions, sandboxes, and so on would bring any soul into a fit of "Goddammits (Which by the way, is my favorite Swear word, it just some up a feeling so well)" I know better than to give them to Willa and yet I do it anyway to pacify the screeching. Sylvia is savvy enough to try to thwart my absent minded hand-offs. "Mom, don't give those to Willa!!!" Sylvia at age four can already see where that ill fated move would be headed.

Last weekend I found a key finder at the Bryn Mawr garage sale. It was only 50 cents and worth a try. It is supposed to work like this: When you can't find your keys you simply whistle and the a beeper will sound and you locate them. I gave it a try. I whistled and whistled and the thing wouldn't respond. However, it will respond to Willa's high pitched screeching.

Picture it, we are sitting around at breakfast eating our cheerios. Willa screeches for the bottle of water and the beeper goes off. At this point, we all know where the keys are.

I guess I recommend the key finder for those of you that have wee screeching toddlers about and don't mind the sound of screaming and beeping at the same time. Please, if you find my keys don't hesitate to call. If my pocket starts beeping, you know what that sound is.

White Priviledge

White privilege
never knowing that the opportunity couldn't have existed.
My "not enough" is more than most will have

No one will ever take off of my porch the twelve hefty bags filled with clothes I didn't have money to wash or closets to store because the city and the neighbors thought they were trash.

Because I will always have bootstraps to pull up when times are tough
and therapy if I am sad
a massage if I am sore
a doctor if I am ill
vitamins and fish oil if the organic food I buy isn't enough

Even if my income isn't much there will always be
someone else to surprise me with a free ticket to the opera
or couch out of a Kenwood Mansion
or a recommendation for a job I will turn down
because "it just doesn't feel right."
a scholarship or grant money
steaks, goat cheese and pomegranate seeds

Will I continue to pick the garbage up
in our lawn
blown in from from next door.
Will I keep going and pick theirs up too or,
Will I call the city and ask them to take it away
Even if it turns out to be the family's clothes
Will I keep trying to learn the names and stories
behind the midnight fights in the street? Or,
Will I just close the windows and turn the central air on
Dial 911 from the comfort of my bedroom and fall back
to sleep while someone else sorts it out.

Can we share our sandbox
with our neighbors even if it means
it will sometimes get trashed and battered
our toys strewn far and wide down the block
sand dumped in rocks
rocks dumped in sand
Because my daughters need someone to play with
and I need community
and I want to be proven wrong.

Happy Birthday Willa

Nothing is cuter than a one year old on a Rocking Moose going "weeeee weeee weeeee" in a squeaky baby voice.

Sylvia was such a proud big sister at Willa's birthday party. She took so much ownership of the event. She helped decorate the house, make the cake and open presents. She even attempted to serve the Red Devil cake laced with beets. I think after two pieces fell on the floor, I had to step in and take over.

As it should be, cake and frosting smeared all over baby's face. Willa has been a good eater since day one, and the cake proved no exception.

Thank you to everyone that has helped me to get through this first year. I really didn't know how we would make it, but we did. It takes a whole lot of love and support to raise children. I am grateful for the friendship, financial support, and babysitting that has been offered up to us this year.

Willa is finally sleeping through the night(well, most of the time) and depending on me less and less to provide her nourishment in the form of milk. I feel like I'm getting my personal life back a little bit and can see myself in roles other than that of Mom. Recently, I've made time to go on dates with John, hang out with girlfriends, started a sewing project, started this blog, and looked into the next steps of my career. I love being a Mom, but having things that feed my soul outside of my children really helps energize me. The more I do some things for my self the more devoted I feel toward my children and domestic life.

The more we love, the more energy we have to love some more.

Formula to Survive Motherhood

8:00am two cups of strong black tea loaded with milk and sugar

2:00pm one strong cup of coffee loaded with milk and sugar.

6:00pm Gin and Tonic. Heavy on the lime.